Today for lunch I ate Ramen noodles and munchy mix, I am so classy, and grown up.

 I bought them from the indian man at the gas station right next to my apartment.
He rang me up while telling me all about the drug dealers around here and how they always pay him with ones, that's how he knows they're dealers (I would have thought they were strippers or waiters but I trust his judgment). Then he told me the cops are out  so to watch out for them when I have my crazy parties, which I obviously always have.

We're pretty much best friends me and Raj. He's got my back.